No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
