Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
