Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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