this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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