Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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