Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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