I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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