just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Randomize
