My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
