It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
The Olympian is in my bed
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize