ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
