Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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