i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
