She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Randomize
