when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize