Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
