Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
