How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
