You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize