Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
