why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
