in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
