Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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