Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
