I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize