Its about making memories worth repressing
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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