There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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