My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
