Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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