Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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