You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
