She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
