I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
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