Porn is love you can see.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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