Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
