So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
