we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
