i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
