he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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