reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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