At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
She's not a foreskin expert like you
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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