the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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