those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
