I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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