i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
