your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
