Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
