And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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