i was born a porn star she said
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
