I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
