I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
