She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
