Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
