just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
