I'm really into asian looking animals
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
