Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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