First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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