I just made out with a guy for $7.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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