Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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