he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
