It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
