I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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