Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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