I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
