we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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