Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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