I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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