Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
