fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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