If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
