tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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