Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
