omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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