Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
