I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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