so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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