I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
