Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
