Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
