Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
