i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
