Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
