i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
